9 Worst Etsy Customers
I sell web themes/templates on Etsy (shockingly still lucrative). But not without its many downsides.
1. The Grandma
"Excuse me, I can't open the zip folder. I've tried everything. I've contacted my web host and told them my theme folder was broken, but they told me they couldn't open it for me. I think it's broken."
I guess the Grandma should be commended for their optimism — thinking they can DIY their own website when they can barely check their email. But the amount of time wasted on providing support to them is honestly not worth whatever they paid.
2. The Scammer
"Hi, I bought your theme by accident. Can I get a refund?"
These people understand the very nature of digital items is that you can't exchange them. They still insist they can threaten you into giving them products for free, despite the fact that I can clearly see in their account that the product was already downloaded.
In the early days, I used to cave to these people, afraid that they would leave a negative review. But shockingly, if you stand your ground, they scuttle back into the shadows where they came from.
3. The Plugin Queen
"My site hasn't been running properly since installing your theme. I don't know what could be the problem. I'm only running Woocommerce, Elementor, Beaver Builder, Divi Builder, Constant Contact, Jetpack, Yoast, All-in-One Seo, Optimizer, Smush...."
This customer means well, but they haven't updated their site since 2016 and run enough plugins to power a small village. I have to explain to them that conflicts arise when you use multiple plugins with redundant functionalities, but it's always the theme's fault somehow. Fortunately, these customers think you're some kind of superhero for simply deactivating Elementor.
4. The Australian
Sends email at 3am "Excuse me, I need help with my site. Can you assist please?" Sends email at 4am "Hello?! Can you please assist me with my site, please? I messaged you over an hour ago and still haven't gotten a response. Sends email at 5am "OK, now I'm getting worried. Your site promises to offer support, but I've been waiting for hours."
Woman, I'm sleeping! Australians are very similar to Americans in the fact that they forget other countries and time zones exist. To their credit, they apologize once I tell them I'm on the other side of the world.
5. The Frenchie
French lady: "Excuse me, I have a few questions about my site. I'm a little disappointed with the settings." Me: (Types a long email response, fully explaining the answers to their questions.) French lady: "Nevermind, just forget it."
Not sure what I'm doing wrong with these customers, but they're hard to please. Once had a French customer walk out on a $800 custom project because they said the design was "cute" but not "luxurious" enough. As lame as it sounds, I'm afraid to do business with them again.
6. The Tattler
"If you don't do XYZ, I'm going to escalate this to Etsy."
I guess this is the digital equivalent to, "I'm going to go speak to the manager." Unfortunately, Etsy always sides with the buyer, regardless if they're in the wrong or not. This literally just happened today, hence why I'm venting.
7. The Penny-pincher
"I know I bought this theme 28498420 years ago, but can you log into my site real quick and help me fix XYZ issues?"
I offer one month of technical support, but I don't enforce this rule, which means I get a lot of customers exploiting how lax I am about it. I guess I can't be mad at their hustle.
8. The Hooked on Phonics
"I tried uploading the theme but got a message that said style.css is missing! A day later OK, so I fixed the style.css issue, but I have no idea how to use this thing! How am I supposed to edit it? What's a post? I'm so confused!"
These customers are just allergic to reading instructions, apparently. Actually, I should've made this #1. This is probably the most common.
9. The Ghost
"Yes, I would like a full custom website, full branding, and social media templates to match. Yes, I'm willing to pay the quoted price. Attached is the signed contract and here's my deposit. So excited to be working with you!" (Disappears into a cloud of smoke.)
Not sure why someone would waste someone else's time like this, but it happens a lot.
I'm struggling to think of a #10, so I guess I'll stop here. In all honesty, most of my customers are great. Incredibly positive and are thrilled when I can fix their issues. There have been times where there was a bug in a theme (100% my fault) and the customer was totally cool about it when they didn't need to be, which is really refreshing. I'm just pissed about #6 today. If you're purchasing a digital product, don't go asking for refunds.