A Breakup Letter to My Apartment
Dear Apartment,
We need to talk. But because I hate confrontation, this passive aggressive letter should do. I'm sure you've already noticed, but things have been souring between us lately. The days where I used to feel excited to come home to you and keep you looking nice and clean have dwindled. The things I used to like about you are now overshadowed by all the things I don't.
For one, you get zero sunlight, and you're way too big for just two people. The darkness and the space just feels overwhelming most days. You're not a cute, joyful apartment to come home to. You're gloomy. And honestly, there's no reason to even live in your complex anymore. I chose this place because it was next to the woods and great for the dog, but now I see little reason to be so close to nature. And, in fact, I'm now realizing I hate nature.
The insects here are insane. Morbidly obese insects hurl themselves at the windows daily. The patio is filled with wasp nests, making the area inaccessible, and there's a massive spider (the largest I've ever seen) who has set up camp literally right above the front door. I have to duck and cover every time I come inside, which is just super.
I'm sorry, but I'm over you. I'm ready to go. I already notified the complex that I'm not renewing my lease and have started looking at smaller apartments downtown. I'm sure you'll find someone else who'll learn to love the darkness, the insects, and the emptiness. Won't be me, though. Back to high-rises, I go.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Tenant