Everyone has been lying about cats
Lately, I've been thinking of getting a cat. I've never had one before and have only had dogs. Unfortunately, right now I'm not at a place where I can devote the amount of time and responsibility needed to care for a puppy, but a cat...? Cats are low maintenance, self-sufficient, perfect for apartments, etc. A cat sounds perfect right now.
Maybe I got the idea from social media. You can't go anywhere without being inundated with cute videos of cats running on wheels, snuggling up to their favorite human, or playing with boxes. Gradually, I started to think, "You know, I can see myself with a cat." I imagined sitting at my desk while a cute cat weaved itself between my ankles and thought, Awwww.
But social media is not real life.
A few weeks ago, some friends asked if I could watch their pets (a dog and a cat) while they moved out of their apartment. It was an emergency situation, so my husband and I were like, "Sure! Bring them over!" We were honestly a bit excited. We hadn't had a pet since our dog passed away a few years ago.
When they brought the pets over, our friends very quickly explained how much to feed them and how often the dog needed to be walked. My friend then pulled her cat out of a carrier as it dug its claws into her shoulder. She explained that the cat was "angry" and to give it space. After she peeled the cat off, it immediately ran and hid under the bed.
My friend turned to me and said, "If the cat poops under the bed, I'm sorry." Wait, what?
"Why would it do that?" I asked.
She replied, "Sometimes she pees and poops everywhere if she gets upset."
I had no idea what to even say to that. Meanwhile, their dog (a friendly Corgi) just smiled at us while asking for belly rubs and snacks. Super chill...unlike a certain feline.
I waited a good hour or so before I started looking for the cat. I was terrified of her hiding in a crevice somewhere and pissing in it. When I found her under the bed, she immediately hissed at me. I left her food and water bowl a few feet from the bed and figured she'd come out at her own time. About an hour later, when I came back into the room, she was on top of the bed. My husband and I both have allergies, so we were like, "Oh, hell no."
I shouted at the cat, "Down! Down!" and pointed at the floor and the cat, of course, hissed at me. At that point, I was getting annoyed. Why was this cat so aggressive? I thought cats were supposed to be chill? Like, pick-a-hiding-spot-and-sleep-all-day chill. Meanwhile, the dog was sleeping soundly on a pile of blankets we made for him. Every time I stroked his head, I told him, "Awww, you're so well-behaved. Unlike your sister."
At night, the cat became "activated." She would prowl around the living room and just scratch shit up. She wouldn't eat her food but would eat the dog's, would jump up on the coffee table when I told her not to, and even tried to climb the blinds.
When my husband went to bed (cause he likes to sleep early), he couldn't close the door without the cat scratching at it, so we had to leave the door open, which was annoying for my husband since all the noise from the living room kept him awake. Meanwhile, the cat was playing with its litter box at 4am, climbing the blinds, and having little cat raves or something.
The next morning, the cat walked up to me, meowed sweetly, and rubbed itself on my legs. I actually got excited. I thought, "Oh, the cat's starting to like me!" I leaned down and tried to pet her and she jumped back and hissed at me. At that point, I was exasperated. "What?!" I said, standing over her, pleading. "What do you want??"
I gave her a meat stick, which she snatched out of my hand greedily. She then jumped on the couch and licked her ass for like 3 hours straight. I told my husband, I don't normally hate animals, but....
That night, she stayed up all night (as usual) fucking with the blinds and refusing to go to bed. At around 5am, I was awoken by my husband who was screaming that the cat was on the bed. I could feel her little paws inching closer to my face, so I threw the covers over my head to keep from getting clawed.
The next day, my husband and I had to awkwardly ask our friends to come pick up their pets. When they came to get the animals, the cat didn't even look that happy to see them and hissed at her own mom. My friend seemed used to this behavior and, like a battered wife, blamed herself and kept apologizing to this spoiled, abusive cat.
The whole experience was quite illuminating for me. Cats must have the best PR team in the world because I was not aware of how difficult they could be. I knew they were cold and distant, but territorial? Bitchy? Angsty? The superiority complex of a cat makes no sense and I have no idea why people put up with it.
Maybe I'm not a cat person after all. It could also be that my friend just has a shitty cat and maybe there are nicer cats out there with better personalities, but this experience has given me a bit of cat PTSD.
So yeah, I don't think I'm interested in getting a cat anymore. And honestly, I'm upset with you cat owners for lying to us for years, telling us cats are chill and low maintenance when you knew all along they're little furry Avril Lavignes who piss under your bed and scratch up your couch and terrorize the house like a rebellious teen who won't turn their music down.
I don't know, maybe cat owners are in denial. After all, they are in an abusive relationship. Blink twice if you need help.