Leave your house or die
Everyone talks about how people are lonely because they're missing a "third place." I grew up in a town where the only "third place" was either church or the mall, but lately my town has been making more of an effort to get people to leave their homes. Close to my parents' house they built this little place that has a bunch of restaurants, bars, yoga studios, and coffee shops that surround an AstroTurf-covered lawn filled with lounge chairs and cornhole boards.
It's actually very cute, and there's even a large fountain in the back with a bridge going across, which connects to a sidewalk (a rarity in my state) that connects to the closest suburban enclave. So, if you live close by, you can easily just walk there and hang out all day on the lawn, read a book, have a drink, etc. In the summers they even show free outdoor movies. I know all this sounds rather basic, but for my hometown it's actually a huge improvement.
A few weeks ago I had to take my mom out for Mother's Day and I took her to a restaurant close to there. After our meal, I asked if she wanted to see the new lawn area since she had never been there before (and never leaves the house in general). She didn't feel like walking, so we got in our car to park closer to it. But as we drove past the fountain, as I pointed excitedly out the window ("See? See all those people walking? That could be you!!") she suddenly got irritated and demanded to be chauffeured home. "I see it," she said angrily. "But I don't feel like getting out of the car right now. I just want to go back home."
I tried to encourage her to just step outside for five minutes, but she refused and started bringing up deeper issues that had nothing to do with anything. "Sorry, I'm not out and about like you. I had to give up my life to raise children and blah blah blah and I'd rather be at home." Frustrated, I turned to my husband and said, "What's wrong with her?" And I know it was a rude thing to say, but I was genuinely fed up and confused. Why are people like this?
I had the exact same experience with a friend a year ago. I took her to the same place to show her how much the area has changed ("Look! A fountain! Cornhole!"), and she too refused to get out of the car and started throwing her personal issues at me to justify it. Although I can't force people to change, and I understand everyone has their issues that they're dealing with, I had a morbid thought as we drove home that day:
If you're choosing to not leave your house, if you're choosing to avoid situations because of #reasons, if you're actively avoiding things due to slights that happened to you in the past, if you're literally choosing to not live any semblance of a life worth living, then why live at all? Aren't you just slowly killing yourself? How is slowly dying preferable to actual death? What's the point of living if you're not living?
I know this sounds harsh, and no, I don't want my mom to die, which is why I'm frustrated with her and other loved ones who have given up. I also know that not everyone has the money or the support system or the opportunities to do things with their lives. After working all day, or (in my mom's case) spending a whole life raising children, many feel like they're owed a moment to do nothing, and that in itself is a luxury for them. And I get it cause I'm a homebody too, and I love my alone time. But it's because I'm an introvert that I feel even more strongly about this, because if someone like me can see how destructive this is, then I know it's bad.
When I was younger, I never left my house. During this period I was probably my most anxious. As I grew up, I realized most of my issues could be fixed if I just started living and stopped analyzing (although I still do a good chunk of analyzing, just without the anxiety). Now that I'm older, I'm constantly searching for experiences. I've noticed over time I'll forget entire years of my life if nothing eventful happens (going to work, coming home, rinse and repeat). Time also moves faster when I stick to a routine and don't do anything interesting with my life. But when I create experiences (spending time with my friends, learning something new, doing new things, going to new places), time moves slower and I remember more of my life.
I was talking with a friend who I've known since middle school. She said recently, "Can you believe we've known each other for XYZ years? It feels like it was just yesterday that we graduated." I didn't say anything cause I had the opposite opinion. High school feels like a thousand years ago. It doesn't feel "like yesterday" to me. I did so much with my life between then and now that, no, to me it all feels much longer. And that's how life should feel. Not a blink-and-its-gone moment, but something worthwhile, a life worth living.
If you're not going to live for something, then why bother? And if you don't even have the energy to get out of your house and walk around and look at a damn fountain!!, then what are you doing anyway?
What are you living for?