On being passive aggressive
If a stranger is annoying me, they'll probably never know it. I have tremendous patience and will put up with most things as long as I can maintain the peace, even if I'm seething inside. But there are other times when I reach a breaking point and I have no choice but to be a little petty.
Recently, I was on a plane flying home after a short trip. At first I was in a pretty good mood: the seat next to me was empty and I was engrossed in a good book. But then the person in front of me decided to move their chair back. I didn't mind at first (as this is something that always happens on a plane), but they kept moving it further and further back until I had no space for my knees. I tried to move my own chair back, but mine was broken and wouldn't move. On top of that, the person kept hitting their back against the seat, so that the seat would lean back and practically smack me in the head.
I turned my knees to the side and tried to ignore it, but then (and it was either the same person or someone else) I started to smell farts. Very strong earthy farts that grew and dissipated, off and on, for about two hours. At that point, everyone on the plane was asleep while I sat in my chair, my knees getting crushed, inhaling someone's unapologetic farts.
And that was when it hit me: Why do I have to be the only person on this plane who's uncomfortable? Why do I have to be the only one inconvenienced? My inner passive aggressor was kicking in. The entire cabin was dark and everyone was asleep, so I did the unspeakable: I turned on the overhead light.
I then sat pathetically in my seat thinking, "That'll show them," hoping the light would annoy the people around me and wake them up.
Is this the true meaning behind passive aggression? Is it just passive justice? It's not like it made my flight any better. All I did was make people feel as miserable as I did, but I guess that's always the goal, isn't it? It's just to drag people down to whatever mood you're in.
After the flight, I was telling the story to my husband who thought I didn't do anything that bad and said it was "cute" that this was my version of rebellion. Most people curse and throw hands, meanwhile I'm possibly disturbing people's sleep!!!!
I guess it wasn't really that big of a deal, but I did learn something: that passive aggression isn't just a cowardly form of revenge, it's about making yourself feel less alone. Why did I never notice that before?