The folly of first impressions

11 Sep, 2026

I hired a handyman to help my parents fix up some stuff around the house. My mom is slightly senile and talks too much, so I spent most of my time wrangling her and trying to keep her from bugging the guy. The handyman was very curt and professional with me and did his job well. I left for a second to use the bathroom, and when I came back my mom was missing. In a panic, I went looking for her and found her outside bugging the handyman (as usual). But as I got closer, I realized they were both laughing together.

The man was the chattiest, friendliest I had seen him all morning. He was excitedly telling a story about his son and how he wished his son would grow up and join the family business. My mom was like, "Oh, I know! These kids are too much!" And then they laughed some more while I just stood there. The handyman then said he was going to give her a discount and then hugged her like they were old friends.

As I watched this, I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. Because if you knew my mother you would know that she's argumentative and incredibly difficult to get along with. But she gives a great first impression. People find her bubbly and friendly and it normally takes them months to notice the Cluster B personality disorder bubbling beneath.

Meanwhile, I've been told I give off a terrible first impression. I'm often called "cold" and "distant," and it's usually not until months later that people say, "Wow, you're a lot nicer/funnier than I thought!" I guess my annoyance is that I'm incredibly bitter about this. Some of the most toxic, combative people I've ever met had great fist impressions. Why can't people just lead with who they really are?

I genuinely don't know why I give off a bad first impression. Actually, yes I do. I'm not chatty, and I don't have that bubbly, Southern "The weather today, am I right??" personality. A year ago I had to hire a housekeeper for my parents. While doing interviews, one lady was a no-show. She called later to apologize, and we rescheduled for tomorrow. The next day when I met her, she told me I sounded "scary" over the phone and that she was terrified to even show up!

I was shocked cause all I said over the phone was that she should've notified me ahead of time that she needed to cancel. During the interview, the woman was so nervous around me. Everything changed when my mom burst into the room. Suddenly it was like a window had opened and sunshine and roses were pouring through. Within minutes the woman and my mom were both hugging and laughing together (my mom would later terrorize that woman, but you know...first impressions 🤷‍♀️).

Yes, I'm bitter. ¹

I just think it's interesting how first impressions work. I was watching some YouTube video about this very subject, and the woman recommended that if you come across as cold and intimidating to people to just embrace it. Let it be your super power. And as I was watching it I thought, "Yeah! It's a super power! 🤡" But honestly, I'd rather come across as the person I am inside. I just think it's weird and ridiculous for anyone to be scared and nervous around me, and I can't help but want to change that. But you can't force a square peg in a round hole. I just have to remind myself that first impressions aren't forever, and once people get to know you, they'll see the real you. Eventually.

#just venting #personal