When You're Always Catching Up
Last week I didn't post anything because I was incredibly behind on a project that was supposed to be completed the week prior. I worked all through the weekend, aiming for the whole thing to be done that Monday. I didn't end up finishing it until Friday.
Why am I like this? It takes me forever to complete anything, and I always feel like I'm playing catch up.
I've been listening a lot to Dr. K who talks a lot about Ayurveda, particularly the three doshas — Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. Vata is (for lack of a better word) the ADHD of the doshas that prioritizes movement and action. Pitta is all about fire, leadership, and anger. And Kapha is the late-bloomer — hard-working but slow and can come across as lazy.
When I first heard this I immediately thought, "Wait, am I a Kapha?" Because I've always felt like I was catching up in life. It takes me forever to complete things, and I used to think it was because of laziness. But I'm not actually that lazy. I think I just like to take my time with things to make sure things are perfect.
In the past, whenever I've done projects quickly, especially web design projects, they would turn into a disaster. I didn't have time to perfect the many imperfections, didn't have time to come up with something original, didn't have time to add the little details that would've made it special, etc.
Even in saying all that, I took a Prakriti quiz and it told me I was actually Vata, which pretty much negates everything I just wrote. Which is unfortunate because it would've been a nice excuse for my behavior. I think people cling to spirituality when it helps validate some fatal flaw within them. Unfortunately, I guess I won't be able to do that this time. I guess the true reason I'm slow to finish projects and miss deadlines is because I need an outer force to help keep me on my toes. When left to my own devices I'm just a mess.
I plan to switch apartments next month to a brighter place closer to downtown with a bit more energy and less death, and I'm hoping it'll energetically do something. Only time will tell. If not, I'm sure I'll find something else to blame.